Addiction

In 2009, my freshman year of high school, I stumbled upon Xanax, which is a highly addictive pill that treats anxiety. After my first time taking one, I knew that these were something I was going to enjoy, and that’s exactly what happened. I enjoyed them too much. I enjoyed them to the point where I completely lost my sense of reality. It was to where I couldn’t function throughout the day if I didn’t take one every two hours or so. I loved the rush, I felt at peace, as if I had no worries and no one mattered but myself. In fact, I felt more alive than I did prior to them. It’s not the easiest thing to explain, it’s just something you’d have to personally experience to completely comprehend. Xanax took over my entire life. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone or anything, including school work. Prior to my addiction, I always had big plans for college. I planned on going to Florida State University for college and getting my PhD to become a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, those plans disintegrated in my mind, just like everything else did. I went from being top of my class to flunking 5 out of my 7 classes. I was absolutely careless at that point, in fact, careless is an understatement. Then, I had teachers constantly nagging me on how terrible I’m doing in their class and were asking what was going on. I’m sure they all already knew I was on something while attending their classes. I couldn’t make it through the classes without Xanax in my system. From there, I just started having my friends do my work for me, just so my teachers would get off my case and so I could at least past my classes with a D. Moving forward, I knew things were spinning out of control. I had my good guy friends coming to me crying, begging me to stop. I ended up catching a glimpse of reality when I blacked out in class, almost overdosing. No one was able to wake me up, I was completely unconscious. After that, everyone caught on to what I was doing, as well as teachers. Things only got worst from that point on. I was constantly being searched and watched. There were rumors around school that I was dealing Xanax, which I was. There came a moment when I broke down and decided I had to put an end to it even though deep down I had absolutely no desire to do so. I ended up getting rid of all of the Xanax. Plot twist, I ended up finding a new addictions, Oxys and Roxys, which also lead to Vicodin and Percocet as well. Up til this day, I’m still not sure what got me to wake up and smell the roses of reality… I just knew I needed to get clean. I have been clean of opiate dependency for almost 3 years now. That being said, I did relapse during that time period and up till this day are times that I have cravings but I molded myself to have a strong mentality and to stay clean. During my period of trying to get clean, I had no one. Everyone that was there for me before my addiction was no longer there when I needed support the most. Even my own family didn’t help me, but I don’t think they understood the severity of just how much I was using or just didn’t want to admit that their only child was taking pain killers almost every hour. I went through a terrible state of depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. I ended up going through rehab and detox because I knew what was right and that I had to. I didn’t want to live my life how I was, I wanted to be able to be successful and not a junkie on the road begging for change. NA meetings were part of my schedule and getting back on track was my biggest priority. I’m proud to say that I am beyond satisfied with my life right now and I’m so blessed to be alive.  I have an amazing family, the perfect boyfriend and good friends that keep me strong and support me.